Marx on Monday: Vara

As a young man I never trusted the police. I thought they were thoroughly dishonest, institutionally racist, Blair Peach murderers. But, as I’ve got older and wiser, I’ve come to realise that they are, to a man, honest and reliable.

That’s why I, along with any other right thinking Daily Mail reader, am so annoyed with the antics of the Fat Cat barristers and their threatened strike.

Barristers see themselves as self-appointed guardians of civil liberties – they think that without them the police would run amok, lying through their teeth and making sure that innocent people would be convicted.

That might be true about third world countries like Brazil, but here in Britain we have bobbies we can not only be proud of – we can rely on their honesty and integrity 100%.

I was in London on Saturday witnessing a protest by thousands of barristers against legal aid cuts. There were plenty of police in attendance, most of them armed, and I was hoping that they would open fire on the greedy lawyers and finish them once and for all when to my shock a couple of the police officers drew their guns and ran in my direction.

I thought I was a goner but then realised that they were heading for the man next to me. He was an Asian man, dressed in a smart suit and wearing glasses, but clearly the police had mistaken him for an Islamic suicide bomber. I was about to stand aside to give them a clear shot when I suddenly recognised the man as Justice Minister Shailesh Vara.

“Don’t shoot,” I cried out, “he’s on our side.”

“Are you sure?”one of the officers asked me.

“We’d better shoot him anyway,” said the other, “just to be on the safe side.”

“He’s the Justice Minister,” I called out, “his job is to destroy the criminal bar!”

“Well why didn’t you say so,” they said in unison, holstering their guns, “any enemy of the barristers is a friend of ours.”

“Thank you Kevin”, a shell-shocked Shailesh addressed me, “I thought I was a goner.”

He was shaking with fear so I took him to a nearby Costa and bought him a Cappuccino and a piece of Carrot Cake.

“The police didn’t mean anything by it,” I told him, “it’s just that because you’re not white they couldn’t be sure you weren’t a member of Al Qaeda.”

“I quite understand,” he replied, “I knew they wouldn’t shoot me. The police don’t go around killing innocent people.”

“Except for Brazilian John Charles De Menezes,” I played Devil’s advocate, “the police shot him eight times in the head for absolutely no reason.”

“Not quite no reason,” Mr Vara replied, “he was dressed in a burka and carrying a bomb.”

“I’m not sure if that’s entirely accurate,” I pointed out, “the police press office released that statement which was entirely untrue, but a subsequent enquiry found that he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and carrying a copy of the Evening Standard. The police press office lied about every aspect of the case. It was as if they’d been trained by Joseph Goebbels.”

“How do you know that?” Mr Vara asked.

“At a subsequent enquiry, where Mr Menezes family were represented on legal aid, it was established that the police had been, quite simply, dishonest.”

“That’s the sort of thing Chris Grayling and I are determined to stop,” he announced.

“What, the police murdering innocent men and then lying about it?”

“No,” Mr Vara replied, “legal aid.”

“But if you get rid of legal aid who is going to protect our citizens from police dishonesty and corruption,” I asked, “quis custodiet ipsos custodes?”

“Don’t listen to the barristers Kevin,” Mr Vara assured me, “there is no police dishonesty and corruption.”

“Then what about Plebgate,”I asked him, “when Chief Whip Andrew Mitchell was forced to resign after three police officers accused him of calling them plebs and were later found to be lying?”

“They were investigated by the Independent Police Complaints Commission who ruled that the officers shouldn’t face disciplinary action but should be promoted.”

“But didn’t they also find that the officers in question had lied?”

“In an organisation as big as the police force you’re bound to get the odd bad apple,” the Justice Minister explained, “you can’t condemn the entire police force simply because three of them were shown to have lied.”

“So what about Hillsborough,” I pressed him, “when the Independent Panel chaired by the Bishop of Liverpool found that 164 police officers who gave evidence at the Taylor enquiry had dishonestly changed their original statements and 116 more police officers had destroyed their statements because they didn’t comply with the official, dishonest, police line?”

“Okay the police might be institutionally dishonest as well as racist,” the Justice Minister conceded, “and we might need a strong and independent bar to act as a bulwark against them and ensure justice for the weak, but our proposed legal aid cuts won’t destroy the bar – we’re simply going to streamline it.”

“In what way?” I was intrigued.

“As Chris Grayling and I have pointed out, even under the new proposed legal aid rates a criminal QC with at least twenty years of experience who has been made silk as a recognition that he or she sits at the very pinnacle of the bar,” Mr Vara explained, “will still receive £306 a day.”

“That’s an enormous amount of money,” I said, “if a QC works the same 30 week year that an MP works that means a QC would get £45,900 a year compared to £65,378 for an MP.”

“That’s right,” Mr Vara agreed.

“Although of course an MP also gets sick pay, a pension and substantial expenses,” I pointed out, “whereas the QC needs to pay for their own health insurance and pension, and gets no expenses and needs to pay chambers rent, indemnity insurance, continual professional development, for court dress, law books and a practicing certificate – amongst other things.”

“What are you trying to say?” Mr Vara looked confused.

“That when you take everything into account a QC paid £306 a day working an MP’s 30 week year, after expenses and tax would receive an income of minus £3,100 a year,” I said, “ compared to your own gross income of £181,000 last year.”

“Your point being?” Mr Vara asked.

“My point being Mr Vara,” I replied with some trepidation – knowing he was a black belt in karate, “that you and Chris Grayling are full of shit!”

“Of course we are,” he shrugged, “we’re MPs, what do you expect?”

“I expect honesty and integrity,” I replied.

“If you want honesty and integrity you’d better get yourself a barrister,” he smirked, “but you’d better hurry up – they won’t be around for long.”

6 comments on “Marx on Monday: Vara

  1. silverminer
    November 18, 2013 at 9:03 pm #

    So, let’s see where we’re up to:-

    1 The Police think they’re here to enforce Statutes rather than uphold the Common Law and protect the public.

    2 We’ve got so many “laws” on the books that everyone is almost certainly “guilty” of something without even knowing it.

    3 We’re being spied on so everything we ever wrote or said can be trawled to find some dirt on us.

    4 Our thoughts and speech are under attack from the political correctness agenda.

    5 The Police can now pick people up without telling anyone and detain us by pretending we might be a terrorist.

    6 We can be disappeared into a prison in Eastern Europe under the European Arrest Warrant.

    7 Ken Clarke wants secret courts, no jury, no press, no-one to know what went down.

    8 Jury trial is under attack, no doubt to harmonise us with the rest of EU, so we’ll have courts stuffed with compliant judges.

    9 Post Leveson we’re looking at de facto State control of the press which should keep the reporting in line.

    10 Now, they’re pulling the legal aid so we can’t get proper representation in court and can be bamboozled with legalise.

    Am I being too gloomy here or are we witnessing the construction of an Orwellian Police State?

    • Michael
      November 19, 2013 at 10:57 am #

      You are right Silver Miner – we’re being marched into police state and the majority are clueless as to what is going on.

      I used to wonder how the Germans could allow Hitler to take power and destroy their nation and many lives. I used to wonder how the Jews in those countries could stay there after the Nazis took control in 1933.

      I happens because it is a slow, step by step process. Major issues or trends do not change on a daily or even monthly basis and people don’t imagine how horrible the situation will eventually become. The rule of law and all of the things that protect our freedom such as an unfettered press & trial by jury are being dismantled. All the writing is on the wall.

      • silverminer
        November 19, 2013 at 11:27 am #

        What do you think is driving it, Michael? Are they doing this just because they can or is there some purpose to it?

      • CommonPurposeExposed
        November 24, 2013 at 10:37 am #

        The purpose is Common Purpose. Rule of the plebs by the “elite”

  2. Michael
    November 19, 2013 at 12:08 pm #

    It’s one of those conclusions that you have to arrive at yourself as to what is happening. Orwell and Huxley sounded the warning bells in the first half of the century about what was to come as did Ayn Rand. Ron Paul was shouting from the rooftops but not enough truly understood what he was saying.

    The most important social struggle throughout history is between liberty and top down control. The Police State is the ultimate form of control.

  3. mikebravo
    November 19, 2013 at 10:49 pm #

    Keep saying to yourselves… “nothing to hide – nothing to fear…….nothing to hide – nothing to fear” and it will all be ok. Who needs liberty when you can watch x factor and corrie with a take away pizza and free bottle of pepsi?

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