Eadon on Tech – Nerd Bling and Why the New iPhone will Make Us Go Naked

This week’s Geek Column is about the new iPhone 5S: coveted by bubble-game playing women, fashion designers and ponces everywhere. Only phones running the fugly “Windows 8 Phone” operating system are worse (and by worse, I mean infinitely worse).

Geekgasm Section – ACHTUNG!! You really need to skip past the ludicrously nerdy red text!
Apple’s new iPhone 5S features a 64-bit A7 processor. 64 bit – what dafuq does 64 bit mean?

The 64 part is short hand for a huge number created by taking 2 and doubling it a lot. I’ll get onto what a “bit” is… in a bit.

1 bit = 2
2 bit = 4
3 bit = 8
4 bit = 16
5 bit = 32
6 bit = 64
7 bit = 128
8 bit = 256
… keep doubling…
16 bit = 65,535
… keep going…
32 bit = 4,294,967,296

64 bit = 18,446,744,073,709,551,616

64 bit corresponds to a ginormous number of bits, where ginormous = quintillions. A “bit” is a unit of information: a bit is either “on” or “off”, or as we laconic geeks say, 1 or 0.
So… what is a bit good for. Not a lot. But, put 8 bits together and you get a “byte”. And a thousand bytes makes a kilobyte. A million bytes yields a megabyte. You are probably familiar with the term megabyte in terms of computer memory. An typical song MP3 music file, for example, is normally a few megabytes. A thousand megabytes make a gigabyte, good for storing a DVD-resolution movie.

Four gigabytes (gigs) is 4,294,967,296 bits. And our list above says that’s 32 bit. Ergo, 32 bit corresponds to 4,294,967,296 bytes = 34,359,738,368 bits. Confused? That’s why you’re not a geek and I am.

This geek numerology tells us that 32 bit computers are a wiz with up to 4 gigs of computer memory. (That’s fast RAM memory, not slow “disk” storage). Having said that, in reality modern 32 bit sytems are designed with modifications (hacks) to work with much more than 4 gigs of RAM. But let’s stick to the memory idea for now.

64 bit computing takes things to a whole new level, it can work without hacks with memory equivalent to four gigs multiplied by four gigs! This is way more memory than technology can shovel into a phone, in fact it’s way more than all the digital computer memory in the world. And as 64 bit systems can process memory in larger chunks, there can be performance improvements.

That sounds great, BUT – in reality Apple might be more interested in new features of the new-fangled 64 bit so-called “ARM” chips that enable Apple to further lock down their systems, which gives Apple more control over their phone hardware. Which means you get less control. Oh dear. Most users will not care (though they should!) but geeks and libertians don’t like this socialist sort of crap, it violates our wishes – and indeed human rights – to use our hardware how we wish and not how corporations tell us to.

— End of Geekoid section. It is safe to continue reading now.

As mentioned in the above Geek red text, Apple have a shiny new brain in their phone but may have sinister motives it.

So what else is new in the new iPhone. Finger print sensor. Motion tracking. Ho hum. What we are seeing here is a massively successful product (iPhone) that creates less buzz with each version because the headline killer features are already done (but mainly because “reality-distortion-field” CEO Steve Jobs went and died. Much buzz followed him to the grave). When buzz forsakes a popular technology, usually there follows stagnation busted by revolution.

The next revolution will be wearable computers – which, if I may coin a term, is Nerd Bling. Apple are hoping to do to the wrist watch what they did to MP3 music players and – indeed – phones – make them “cool”. Ad King Google, on the other hand, are making a nerd-bling horror called Google Glass, which is basically a non-stop surveillance CCTV system with GPS positioning tracking that you wear on your face and sends all the data to Google and the US government. This thing is worse than the XBox One – it’s an NSA wet dream. A freaking DYSTOPIA!

With the coming nerd bling infestation of minuscule computers and cameras about our heads, necks, wrists clothes, etc, the only way to be free from surveillance will be solitary confinement or to keep company with non-cyborg naked people. And I hereby predict that nudist resorts will be a haven for those who wish to escape from being video’ed, tracked, monitored and spied upon. It’s only natural, literally. So kill your bubble-popping iPhone game, cycle down the gym and shed those pounds! You’ll want to look sweet or buff when the Revolution comes.

9 comments on “Eadon on Tech – Nerd Bling and Why the New iPhone will Make Us Go Naked

  1. Liz Z
    September 14, 2013 at 9:43 pm #

    Totally agree. I unintentionally disabled internet + email on my Blackberry (stone-age tech in comparison) + actually feel more comfortable with it only being able to function as a phone. I also try + use Tor wherever possible aside from when at work or Facebook. Will have to make sure am not broke so that when I escape to a nudist colony, will be able to afford to pay off the resulting lawsuits from causing people trauma…

  2. James Eadon
    September 15, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

    Hi Liz,
    The US govt (FBI) have recently been caught doing bad things to Tor too.
    Security researchers are calling for engineers to design a more spying-proof internet, because currently the Internet is one vast surveillance machine for governments.

  3. James Eadon
    September 15, 2013 at 1:06 pm #

    P.S. last one to the colony buys the vodkas.

    • Liz Z
      September 15, 2013 at 9:50 pm #

      Along with the rum and tequilas too… Re Tor – not surprised about what the US govt are doing, I mean, how dare anyone want to look around the Internet without fear of being surveilled, or bombarded with ads tailor made to what they’ve been looking up at random. Am aware that there is a dark side to Tor, the anonymity (which is getting increasingly rare) that it provides is worth it. Better that than total govt control

  4. Paul
    September 15, 2013 at 2:56 pm #


    being the that pedant that I am and as you claim geekiness I shall now point out that 2^10, a kilobyte, is 1024 and not 1000.

  5. James Eadon
    September 15, 2013 at 10:02 pm #

    @Liz Z – agreed! Tor usage has been shooting up recently.

  6. Simon Roberts
    September 19, 2013 at 12:56 pm #

    Speaking of dystopia, weren’t you going to do a piece on encrypted services?

  7. James Eadon
    September 20, 2013 at 6:15 am #

    Coming up this weekend!

  8. nokia spy
    November 24, 2013 at 12:56 pm #

    What’s up, this weekend is fastidious in support of me, as this occasion i am reading this wonderful educational
    piece of writing here at my residence.

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