Marx on Monday: Regime Change

As a liberal I am, as a matter of principle, totally opposed to war. There is, however, one exception to this rule. I am totally in favour of intervening, with extreme violence, in the affairs of any country where I believe, often on flimsy or non-existent evidence, that a red line has been crossed.

What that red line is can be difficult to determine. Usually it involves any action by an incumbent government which offends liberal sensibilities.

The end result of any conflict is equally unimportant. When a state or situation has fallen out of liberal fashion we cease to be remotely concerned as to what happens thereafter.

Take Zimbabwe for example. During my liberal awakening in the 1970’s it was an African state called Rhodesia and ruled by the white racist Ian Smith. Along with other liberal activists we wore anti-Smith t-shirts and badges, boycotted Rhodesian goods and forced the regime to be treated as an international pariah. Eventually western liberal pressure forced Smith to stand down. We jubilantly celebrated out great success, jettisoned our t-shirts and badges and, with a warm feeling in our liberal hearts, left the country to be re-named Zimbabwe. We had triumphed, and so moved on to other liberal causes, leaving the Zimbabweans to live a better life under President Mugabe – who might have turned into one of the world’s most brutal dicatators, and might have fixed every election since 1979 to ensure he is still President 34 years later, but we have no plans to boycott or depose him. It is impossible for him to offend liberal sensibilities because he is black.

It was the same for South Africa – the richest country in that unfortunate continent – ruled by the vicious apartheid government. We liberals worked steadfastly for years to bring down that terrible regime. Forget that, at the height of apartheid, South Africa needed constant security on the borders to keep out millions of black people from neighbouring black majority rule countries who were desperate to enter South Africa as illegal immigrants in order to find work in that terrible country. And forget that millions of liberal westerners were obsessed with the communist Eastern Block who needed constant security on their borders to keep their desperate and terrified citizens in. Western liberal pressure brought down the apartheid regime and, after the transition was overseen by the God like figure of reformed terrorist Nelson “by all means necessary” Mandela, South Africa is now free from oppression. Since the collapse of apartheid South Africa has seen a lot of changes on the international stage. It has tumbled down a few world tables – rates of employment, GDP, currency valuation, minor things like that – but it has also shot up other world tables for things like murder and rape rates and it absolutely proudly sits, thanks to its former president Thebo Mbeki’s refusal to accept that AIDS is linked to HIV and the widespread belief that the only cure for it is to have sex with a 14 year old virgin, at the very top of the world AIDS table.

Thankfully Mbeki has gone and South Africa has a new president, Jacob Zuma. Zuma may have stood trial for charges of racketeering, money laundering, corruption, fraud and rape but was gloriously acquitted after he greeted the arrival of his trial jury by standing on the front steps of the courthouse surrounded by a hundred of his armed guards singing his campaign song, “bring me my machine gun.” His defence to raping a 31 year old woman who he knew had AIDS was that it was consensual, that he knew she had AIDS, that he hadn’t used a condom but had protected himself by having a hot shower after coitus – and it’s lucky for his six wives that he did! To support them the state pays him $2 million a year in spousal support and also provided the dowry for his fiancé (soon to be his seventh wife) Swaziland’s Princess Sebentile Dlamini, who he purchased from her father for ten cows. In ordinary circumstances Zuma’s views would offend liberals. He not only described same sex marriage as a disgrace to the nation and to God but said if a homosexual dared to stand up in front of him he would knock him out – but as a black man we liberals would consider ourselves racist  if we became offended by him.

So we basked in the glory of having toppled apartheid and turned our backs on South Africa safe in the liberal knowledge that, under the black majority rule of Jacob Zuma, its citizens can look forward to a prosperous future.

The next stop on the liberal crusade to make the world a better place was Serbia and if we had learnt one lesson about boycotts and other forms of peaceful protest it was that change can be slow.

In Serbia there was a conflict going on between Kosovan seperatists and Serbia who didn’t want them to become independent. They were both behaving in a pretty beastly manner to each other and the initial liberal response was to let them get on with it – then we discovered that the Kosovans were Muslims. That was a game changer. Christian Serbs suppressing defenceless Muslim Kosovan seperatists? That truly offended our liberal sensitivities!

True liberals everywhere acted immediately. The first thing we did was to ignore the Kosovan acts of terrorism and atrocity and re-brand them as cuddly peace loving victims. Then we needed to re-brand the Serbs and persuade the western world that they were the sole oppressors. To do this we needed a liberal catchphrase – and we came up with a beauty – Ethnic cleansing! The savage Serbs were ethnically cleansing the defenceless Kosovans and burying them in mass graves.  Understandably the world was outraged so we set the bar even higher. The only way to teach the bloody Serbs that violence was wrong was to bomb them back to the stone age. So liberals in America and Britain formulated our plans. You had two choices – either you supported the bombing campaign or you supported genocide against innocent women and children.

The public were tricked – they supported the bombing campaign. It wasn’t the first time Serbia had been bombed. During the second world war Hitler demanded of all the Balkan countries free passage of the German army through their territory to come to the assistance of the Italians after their disastrous attack on Greece. Every country agreed, except brave Serbia. Hitler’s response was brutal – he had the Luftwaffe bomb Serbia back to the stone age in what he called “Operation Punishment.”

Serbia was rebuilt after the war – but the second Operation Punishment soon destroyed it again. In 1999, when the bombing campaign was over, billions of pounds of damage had been done. Milosovic, the elected leader of Serbia, understandably lost the next election, and we liberals moved on from the rubble of Serbia – anxious to discover new liberal causes to fight for. We had our eye fixed firmly on the Middle East, and had an early liberal ally in Tony Blair and the current champion of liberalism Barack Obama. Next week I will tell you how these two heros, armed with liberal lies, catchy phrases and disinformation, brought down the governments of Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Egypt and are soon to do the same thing in Syria.

Until then let us all rejoice in past liberal successes and join the happy citizens of Zimbabwe, South Africa and Serbia to celebrate 34 years of President Mugabe; the collapse of the economy and the massive proliferation of crime and AIDS in South Africa and the destruction of the entire infrastructure of the Serbian state – three cheers for us liberals – hip hip hooray!

11 comments on “Marx on Monday: Regime Change

  1. Michael Roc Thomas
    September 2, 2013 at 5:10 pm #

    Too true

  2. Ray Veysey (@rayveysey)
    September 2, 2013 at 7:12 pm #

    All in a good cause, a whole new industry of charities to supply high incomes and first class travel to another set of ungrateful elitists in charge of them, and something for the Government to waste even more of our money on to make themselves feel better

  3. Owen Jones
    September 2, 2013 at 7:24 pm #

    No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!

  4. David
    September 2, 2013 at 9:58 pm #

    Errr…kinda…..sorta…..but you know full well that you have to edit out interventions by ‘conservatives’ to make this work. It is a trick your mate James uses – not realising that some issues are perpendicular to politics – certainly the kind of polarized stereotypical politics journalists play with when a word limit and deadline looms.

    Them liberals – its them what done it.

    Yeah nice try. On the other hand you can carve a whole writing ‘job’ out of that apparently!

  5. Mat
    September 2, 2013 at 10:38 pm #

    A modern liberal is an undercover fascist,under no circumstances can you disagree with them or have your own opinions if they are different to theirs!
    The education system is formed this way so our kids only confirm to set ideas,unable to disagree with the ‘liberal’ syllabus for fear of being shouted down so this will carry on for generations unless we give people the freedom to hold their own views without fear of the mob!

    • Rush-is-Right
      September 3, 2013 at 4:32 am #

      And quite right too. No freedom of speech for fascists!

    • David
      September 3, 2013 at 6:57 pm #

      So while you think ‘the left’ are in control, you actually think they are undercover fascists. So what exactly are the views you think you can’t hold for fear of the mob?
      What will this mob do – drag you off to camps – or maybe tutt a bit on twitter?

      This ‘liberal’ syllabus – sorry facist syllabus – does it teach collectivism or that the Aryan is supreme?

      You people aught to understand and cherish living in a country that is actually middle grounded politicaly, and is an expected mix and compromise bourne out of the enlightenment.

      Peddling this nonesense that undercover Marxists are undermining this country and responsible for all its ills is as useless and childish as the idea that the unfettered capitalist bankers are the root of all evil.

      • right_writes
        September 7, 2013 at 8:51 am #

        “This ‘liberal’ syllabus – sorry facist syllabus – does it teach collectivism or that the Aryan is supreme?”

        No David…

        Firstly, I disagree with the term “liberal”, the people that are being described here are anything but… They have extremely low tolerance to anything which isn’t “right-on”, the point about liberalism is that it is tolerant.

        The reality is that these people are communitarians and communists, and they infest every publicly financed organisation, be it a quango, a charity or civil service department. They can’t get even the most dense social democrat to vote for them, so they stop standing for election and instead seek work inside government.

        And before it kills us all, it needs to be stopped.


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