Marx on Monday: Bedroom Tax!


For a long time it has been apparent that the Tory/Liberal coalition is nothing short of fascist but if anybody still needed persuading that our current government are more right wing than Hitler then I have just two words for them – “bedroom tax”.

This piece of legislation is undeniably more iniquitous than the Holocaust in the effect it has had on those on benefits. Initially, because I have so many children that it didn’t effect me, I was immune to the havoc and devastation it was wreaking – but as more and more stories of how it is destroying the lives of those whose only wish is to live a workless life in houses which are too large for them and where the rent is paid for entirely by the taxpayers I have decided to speak up.

The sad plight of the people effected by the bedroom tax was brought to my attention in a devastating manner only last week. I had just received my benefit cheque and decided to celebrate by having lunch at Alain Ducasse’s Michelin 3 star restaurant at the Dorchester in Mayfair. It was busy and I was told that I faced a thirty minute wait, but I then spotted Ed Milliband and Ed Balls dining on a table for four with two empty seats. I wandered over and asked if I could join them.

“Of course you can Kevin,” they said, and I sat down.

“It’s a bit like the bedroom tax,” I laughed, “only two of you being on a table for four.”

“The bedroom tax is no joking matter,” Milliband scolded me – “it’s causing desperate social problems up and down the country.”

“What exactly is it?” I displayed my ignorance.

“It’s a fascist law introduced by Cameron and Clegg,” Balls explained, “where if you are under-occupying a house your benefits are cut by up to £14 for every room you don’t need.”

“That sounds terrible,” I replied, “what’s the reason for it?”

“To try and make those on benefits who are living in big houses move into smaller houses so that homeless families can be accommodated,” said Milliband, “and to save an estimated half a billion pounds a year of taxpayers’ money.”

“That’s just evil!” I said.

“Exactly,” the two Eds concurred.

“So let me get this right,” I wrestled mentally with the concept, “if you live alone in a three bedroom house you either have up to £28 a week cut from your benefits or you move into a one bedroom house?”

“Precisely,” said Milliband, “and it brings tears to my eyes when I see the effect it has had on some people.”

“Like who?” I asked.

“There was a story in the Liverpool Echo last week which was quite rightly described as heartrending,” Milliband replied, “about a fit and healthy single man who instead of going out to work lives off benefits and looks after his forty racing pigeons and two Rottweilers in a three bedroom house. If he wants to carry on living there he’ll have £28 a week deducted from his benefits – and he can’t afford that! He was faced with a stark choice – either move to a one bedroom house or stay in his three bedroom house and make some serious financial cuts.”

“What serious financial cuts?” I asked.

“He had to get rid of his beloved dogs and pigeons or cancel his subscription to Sky Sports, cut down on his drinking and smoking, stop buying lottery tickets and get rid of his mobile phone.”

“So what did he do?”

“He got rid of his beloved dogs and pigeons,” Milliband replied with a tear in his eye.

“Why didn’t he just get a job?” I asked.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Milliband bristled, “if he had a job who would have looked after his beloved pets?”

“And in any event,” Balls weighed in, “thanks to the way the previous Labour government managed the economy there aren’t any jobs.”

“Good point,” I was forced to concede.

“And take the sad case of Irene Lockett, a 52 year old mother of six,” said Balls, “she raised her children on benefits in a four bedroom house, but now they have all left home and she lives alone in the four bedroom house with the rent being paid entirely by the taxpayer she is expected to move to a one bedroom house or have £23.24p a week docked from her benefits.”

“That’s inhuman!” I gasped.

“That’s exactly what her neighbours thought,” Balls replied, “when she refused to pay her rent and the council tried to evict her every resident of her street formed a ring of steel around her house to prevent the council from throwing her out.”

“It’s lucky the council came in the evening,” I ventured, “when all of her neighbours had got home from work.”

“They didn’t,” Balls looked confused, “the council came just after lunchtime.”

“So what are the Labour party going to do about this iniquitous law?” I demanded to know.

“I put the matter to Cameron at Prime Minister’s questions,” Milliband sniggered, “and as usual he had no answer to my wit and eloquence.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“I said, “does the Prime Minister think it’s fair that people who don’t work for a living and whose entire lives are funded by people who go out to work and pay tax should have their benefits cut if they live in houses with bedrooms they don’t need?”” Milliband chortled, “the question floored Cameron completely.”

“And what was his reply?” I asked.

“He said yes.”

“Well he is saving half a billion pounds a year of taxpayers money,” I played Devil’s advocate.

“That may be right,” Balls countered, “but he’s using that money to introduce tax cuts for millionaires.”

At that moment the bill arrived and the waiter handed it to me. I winced as I read it. With wine our lunch had cost £320.

“That’s £120 each including the tip,” I announced.

“That’s the problem with Cameron and Clegg,” Milliband announced, putting his platinum American Express card on the table, “they’re out of touch with the financial difficulties faced by those on benefits.”

“That’s right,” Balls agreed, pulling out a thick wad of cash and unfurling two fifty pound notes and a twenty, “unlike us they know nothing of the financial struggles of the common people.”



3 comments on “Marx on Monday: Bedroom Tax!

  1. evanescent
    August 12, 2013 at 3:54 pm #

    Brilliant stuff.

  2. (@nonsequiturcouk)
    August 13, 2013 at 11:46 am #

    “our current government are more right wing than Hitler”


    You my friend are a victim of socialist education, I know this, because I’m a teacher who “HAS” to teach this propaganda.

    Because I’m so sickened by what has happened to our education system, I’m going to China, where they WANT to teach pupils to go to leading UK universities, NOT keep them ignorant like they do here.

    If you really want a comparison to the Nazis try SWP, UAF, HNH, or even the “European Socialist Party”, known as #Labour.

    Here is some Education for you.

    I resigned for linking Nazism to Socialism… but it’s true
    Rachel Frosh resigned earlier this week for linking Nazism to Socialism, but here she makes the case that it remains very much a valid view
    by Dr. Rachel Frosh – 14 February 2013

    Daily Mail corrects socialism/Nazism article after Press Complaints Commission intervention

    The story of Dr. Rachel Frosh rose to the fore after the Daily Mail covered the story in an extremely questionable manner. The article has now been amended

    by The Commentator – 20 March 2013

    Nazis of the Left and other corrections
    Nazis, with their statist economic policies and penchant for nationalisation, bear almost no resemblance to modern right-wingers. So why is Hitler still considered to be of the far right?
    by James Snell – 7 February 2013

    There are now two choices.

    You can admit you were wrong, or you stick your fingers in your ears and shout me down.

    I know which one I think you’ll chose, based on this article.

  3. (@nonsequiturcouk)
    August 13, 2013 at 11:48 am #

    Or, Did I just miss a joke? hehe,,

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