Marx On Monday: Sexism!

If there’s one thing I hate it’s sexism, so you can imagine how angry I was when I found out that this year’s British Open golf championship was being held at Muirfield – a club which bans women members.  Now don’t get me wrong I love golf. In my opinion there is no better way to relax than to go out with your mates and have a round of golf – unless, that is, you get stuck behind a ladies 4 ball – that can be bloody infuriating – not only can the poor dears only hit the ball about 50 yards, but even when they do finally get on the green they have a twenty minute chat before they get around to putting. But, as annoyingly useless as lady golfers can be, that doesn’t give golf clubs the right to ban them. Lady golfers should be looked at as an Act of God, like torrential rain – when you are on the way to the golf course you hope not to encounter either, but if you do you just have to try not to let it ruin your day!

But not Muirfield – you’re about as likely to encounter a ladies 4 ball there as you are to see Wimbledon Ladies Champion Marion Bartoli on page 3 of the Sun. Just look at the leaderboard of the open at Muirfield – not a woman’s name to be seen!

I was talking about the problem of sexism in sport last night over a pint and a curry with fellow socialist and feminist Laura Penny, AKA Penny Red, and, as usual, she was talking a lot of sense.

“The problem is Kevin,” Laura set me straight, “that although women’s sport is every bit as hard and just as much a spectator draw as men’s, they don’t get paid as much. It’s sexist and fascist!”

“But don’t they get equal prize money at Wimbledon,” I played Devil’s advocate, “even though the men have to play a hard fought best of five sets match whereas the ladies play a best of three sets gentle knock up?”

“Of course it’s fair,” Penny countered, “women tennis players are much better and more attractive to watch than men.”

“But if they want equal prize money,” I asked, “why don’t they just enter the men’s competition?”

“Because they’re not as physically strong as men,” Penny spat back, “that’s why they can’t compete in sport with men on a level playing field.”

“But what about sports like Chess, Snooker and Darts?” I dared to venture. “They don’t require physical strength yet men have always dominated them.”

“Rubbish, it can get pretty tiring for a frail woman to lift up those heavy chess pieces all day,” she spat back, “and as for darts – I was one of the original contenders on David Sullivan’s Live TV show “Topless darts on ice” and I threw a pretty mean arrow let me tell you!”

“But even topless darts on ice struggled to get viewers,” I replied, “whereas Phil “the Power” Taylor is regularly watched by millions. Women’s sport is just not that popular.”

That’s drivel,” Penny put me straight, “take women’s football for example, women’s premier league games are every bit as popular as men’s premiership games yet the women players are paid an average of £18,000 a year compared to the men’s average salary of £4 million. How is that fair I ask you?”

“I’m not sure about your facts Penny,” I gently pointed out, “wasn’t the average crowd at men’s premiership games last season 35,600 compared to the women’s premiership average crowd of 534?”

“Maybe,” Penny rolled her eyes, “but there were some massive gates at women’s matches. The women’s FA Cup Final at Wembley was a sell out!”

“But I thought that Wembley’s capacity was 90,000,” I looked confused, “whereas the crowd for the women’s FA Cup Final was actually 4,988.”

“That’s because of sexism,” Penny shrieked, “how can you expect people to take women’s sport seriously when you have idiots like BBC commentator John Inverdale, whose only comment when Marion Bartloi won the Wimbledon women’s singles title, was that she was never going to be a looker.”

“Well, is she?”

“That’s not the point Kevin,” Penny became hysterical, “people go to Wimbledon to watch the tennis, it’s not a beauty contest. Would you sooner watch world number one Serena Williams play world number two Marion Bartoli or Anna Kournikova  play Maria Sharapova?”

“Er, I don’t really like tennis,” I avoided the question.

“The reason why women’s sport, and women in general, are not taken seriously,” Penny shrieked hysterically, “is that men like John Inverdale regard us as objects of sexual desire. That’s why Britain’s best selling daily newspaper, the Sun, has a topless picture of a woman on page 3 every day!”

“Has it?” I mumbled, “I didn’t know that, I only buy the Sun for the sport’s coverage.”

“You wouldn’t catch me appearing topless on page 3 of the Sun,” Penny’s hysterical shrieking reached the same decibel levels as a Sharapova grunt.

“Have you been asked?” I said.

“No,” Penny sniffed indignantly, “but even if I were I wouldn’t do it, not even if they paid me £50,000 a year!”

“I think their average pay is nearer £100,000 a year,” I told her.

“£100,000 a year – for getting their tits out,” Penny’s hysteria returned, “when I only earn £6,000 a year for my brilliant feminist column at the Independent.”

“But around 7.3 million people read the Sun every day,” I pointed out, “whereas more people watch Women’s premiership football matches than read your column – it’s called market forces.”

“Well then market forces are sexist,” Penny calmed down, “and just as women footballers should be paid the same as men, even though nobody watches them, women feminist journalists like me should be paid the same as page 3 models, even though nobody has the slightest interest in the drivel that I write.”

2 comments on “Marx On Monday: Sexism!

  1. Mark Nutley
    July 22, 2013 at 5:31 pm #

    As always you put a smile on my face.

  2. theaustrianway
    July 22, 2013 at 6:47 pm #

    Feminists, statists, socialists, guardianistas, and far too many other sections of society are always trying to hide from the realities of market forces.

    They’re the best and purest things within any society!

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