Marx on Monday: Jeremiah A Wright

After I received my welfare check last week I celebrated, as I usually do, by going out for a few beers. At the end of the night I had a few food stamps left in my wallet so went to get something healthy to eat. I ended up, as I often do, in the House of Ribs and was waiting patiently in line when an elderly black man rushed in off the street and pushed in front of me.

“I’m sorry,” I addressed him, “but I was here first.”

“No you were not rich white boy,” he replied, “the native Americans were here first.”

I was about to punch him when I noticed he was wearing a dog collar – he was clearly a man of God. He looked vaguely familiar – then I realized that it was none other than President Obama’s friend and mentor, Reverend Jeremiah A. Wright. For nearly two decades, Barack Obama was a member of Reverend Wright’s Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago.

Obama has described Wright as his “spiritual advisor,” his “mentor,” and “one of the greatest preachers in America.” Over the years Obama has contributed large sums of money to Wright’s church, and he chose Reverend Wright to perform his wedding ceremony and to baptize his two daughters.

The Reverend ordered a bucket of beef ribs and I ordered a bucket of pork ribs. There was only one free table at the restaurant so we both sat down to enjoy our meals.

“Try one of these,” Obama’s mentor offered me a beef rib. I took one. It was delicious.

“Have one of mine,” I offered him a pork rib.

“No thanks Kevin,” Obama’s spiritual advisor replied, “I don’t eat pork for religious reasons.”

“But I thought you were a Christian,” I said.

“I am now,” the man who conducted Obama’s wedding replied, “but like President Obama I used to be a Muslim. Anyway, Islam and Christianity are a whole lot closer than you may realize.”

“That’s not what many Americans think.” I said.

“Americans don’t think,” Obama’s mentor snorted, “they are stupid white men, just like Michael Moore said, this country is controlled by rich white racist people. That’s why 9-11 happened. We have supported state terrorism against the Palestinians and black South Africans, and now we are indignant because the stuff we have done overseas is now brought right back to our own front yards. America’s chickens are coming home to roost.”

“Are you saying that all white Americans are racist?” I asked him.

“Every last one,” the man who baptized Obama’s two children confirmed, “racism is how this country was founded and how this country is still run! White Americans believe in white supremacy and black inferiority and believe it more than they believe in God. The United States is a nation infested with racism and evil.”

“That seems a little harsh Jeremiah,” I protested, “America is a Christian country based on Christian values.”

“First,” Obama’s mentor corrected me, “as President Obama said in his speech to the Turkish parliament in 2009, and I quote, “whatever we once were, we are no longer a Christian nation.” Also American values are not Christian. White Americans are selfish, self-centered egotists who are arrogant and ignorant and do not try to make the kingdom that Jesus talks about a reality.”

“Aren’t you being a little bit racist?” I challenged him.

“What do you mean racist?” Obama’s spiritual advisor looked offended.

“Don’t you advocate in your church sermons a black value system,” I said, “where you encourage African Americans to patronize black-only businesses and support only black leaders?”

“I certainly do,” he admitted, “and look how successful it’s been. In the Presidential election 92% of black voters voted for Obama.”

“But not all black people support you do they?”

“No,” he admitted, “some black so-called leaders boycotted the million man march in 1995 because of mine and Reverend Farrakhan’s history of so-called hateful rhetoric and, of course, 8% of black voters voted for Romney.”

“And what do you think of them?”

“They are nothing but a bunch of Oreo house niggras who are guilty of Uncle Tomism,” Obama’s mentor sneered, “there are a whole boat load of darkies who think in white supremacist terms. Some darkies think white women are superior to black women. Some darkies think white lawyers are superior to black lawyers. Some darkies think white pastors are better than black pastors. There are a whole boatload of darkies who think anything white and everyone white is better than whatever it is black people have.”

“You seem very angry Reverend Wright,” I said, “don’t you think there have been any great white men?”

“Like who?”



“Abraham Lincoln?”


“Teddy Roosevelt?”


“Thomas Jefferson?”

“Racist and a paedophile!”

“What about Bill Gates,” I tried a new approach, “he’s spent billions of dollars helping AIDS victims in Africa.”

“Let me tell you something,” Obama’s mentor frowned, “America created AIDS in a laboratory to kill black people.”

“Are you telling me that white men created AIDS on purpose?”

“No,” he shook his head, “the Jews did.”

“The Jews?”

“That’s right,” Obama’s spiritual advisor replied, “just like they imposed injustice and racism on the Palestinians. As far as I am concerned Israel is a dirty word.”

“But wasn’t Jesus a Jew?”

“No he wasn’t,” Obama’s spiritual advisor shook his head, “Jesus was just like me and President Obama, he was a poor black man who lived in a country controlled by rich white people.”

“Do you see much of Obama now he’s President?”

“Not really,” he frowned, “we’re still friends on Facebook but the Jews aren’t going to let him talk to me. I told my baby daughter that he’ll talk to me in four years when he’s out of office. Until then the Jews will not let him to talk to somebody who calls a spade a spade.”

“But you must be happy that America has a black President?” I asked him.

“I certainly am,” he agreed.

“God bless America!” I said.

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“So what would you say?” I asked.

“White people give black people the drugs, build bigger prisons, pass a three-strike law and then want us to sing God Bless America,” the man described by President Obama as one of the greatest preachers in America scowled, “no, no, no, God damn America, that’s in the Bible for killing innocent people! God damn America for treating our citizens as less than human! That’s my message to all those rich white Americans out there – God damn America!”

6 comments on “Marx on Monday: Jeremiah A Wright

  1. Teleros
    April 30, 2013 at 2:41 pm #

    See now I know this is a daft article. Only white people can be racist, surely our fearless proselytiser Marx knows that?

  2. ranchorelaxo61
    April 30, 2013 at 3:21 pm #

    What a voice of reason…

  3. humprey M
    May 1, 2013 at 11:50 am #

    Mental. And not even funny.


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